Chez's diary
by Ruthyroo
Summary: A one shot. After finding Chez's diary Brendan sinks even lower, Ste offers some comfort.


**Chez's Diary **

Brendan was starting to lose the plot, everyone he loved and everything he cared about had started to fall apart and he felt powerless to stop it. As a result he was a mess and his life as he knew it was in ruins. Lynsey had lost her life and it was all his fault, his stupid feuds that he had with people had come back to haunt him and because of it they killed the girl he'd grown up with, looked upon like a sister and the guilt he felt was slowly beginning to eat him away. Walker was no good, he was no use to him at all and Joel, well he was just a kid.

Brendan partly blamed him, if he hadn't been on a wild goose chase looking for him, Lynsey might even still be alive. But the fact of the matter is that whoever killed her did it thinking that she was Cheryl. Brendan had gone looking for Sampson; he went to his flat and stripped it bare, turning everything over, looking for any clues as to where he'd gone and what his next plans might be. What he found though made him feel sick; he desperately wanted it to be someone else's, but looking through the pages he knew it was Chez's diary that he held in his hands. Then it hit him like a thousand fists, they weren't meant to kill Lynsey they were meant to kill Cheryl, his beautiful beloved sister.

Ste had been a really good friend to Cheryl, he'd gone round to see her a lot, cook for her, and keep her company. He wanted to help Brendan but he was too proud, but being there for Cheryl he knew he'd be helping him too. Even after everything that had happened between them, Ste still cared deeply for Brendan and although he'd tried to deny it, that hug they shared, feeling him so close, brought back so many unresolved feelings.

In all the time Ste had known him, he had never seen him look this way. For the first time ever Ste had seen fear in Brendan's eyes, an emotion he never thought he'd see. Brendan was usually the one people feared. His growing concern for his sister's life had sent him over the edge, paranoia had set in and he was no longer sure of anyone. Sending Cheryl back to Ireland was the safest option.

Ste watched him from afar knowing that he had to do something, he had to try to help him, it was starting to have an effect on him. He didn't want Doug worrying about anything, he was upset about Lynsey and he didn't wanna make him feel any worse by letting him know that seeing Brendan this way was hurting him so badly. Ste decided to go and see Brendan, see if he needs a friend, someone to talk to, and anything that might help or make him feel better. He stood at Brendan's door for about ten minutes before he decided to knock.

"It's not a good time Steven"

It might not have been a good time but Ste wasn't going anywhere, Brendan needed someone, he needed him.

"I just wanna talk; make sure you're okay, please Bren."

Brendan opened the door wider and let him in, he sat down on the sofa and Ste sat next to him.

"I'm worried about you Bren, is there anything I can do?"

Ste could see that looking at Brendan he should be worried, he looked completely devastated.

"I'm not ye problem Steven. Ye need to stay away from me or ye could get hurt."

Ste didn't want to go, there was nowhere else he wanted to be, and he had to at least try to ease his pain.

"Why did your Cheryl go away?

He couldn't tell him about the diary.

"Look Steven, the less you know the better, I don't want ye involved in all of this."

But he was involved, he always has been really.

"I want to help"

"No steven you can't"

He wanted to tell him, he wanted to share everything with him but that would only put him at risk of getting hurt and getting caught up in this war. He would die if anything happened to Ste.

Brendan hung his head down and told Ste to leave.

"Ye need to go"

"I don't want to leave you"

Ste knelt down on the floor in front of him and lifted up his chin, he noticed that his eyes that once used to shine were dull and empty. Ste had never felt so helpless, Brendan was usually so strong, and he always knew what to do, he always fixed everything but he couldn't fix what had happened to Lynsey. Ste moved closer to him and kissed him softly on the lips, he didn't know why but it felt right, Brendan pulled away looking totally shocked.

Ste kissed him again and this time Brendan didn't pull away. He kissed him back, even in his darkest times he still couldn't resist his overwhelming need for the boy. Ste knew it was wrong to come here and give himself to him but he just couldn't help himself. Brendan needed him more than he'd ever let on and feeling Ste in his arms was the best medicine. They got caught up in the passion, lost in the moment and for a while Brendan nearly forgot about all the bad things that had happened.

Afterwards they lay together, Ste holding on so tight to Brendan, not wanting to let him go, wanting to keep him safe the only way he knew how. They both didn't know what it meant to be here this way together but they just needed each other right now. Ste being Ste kept asking questions, wanting to know everything, Brendan tried to keep it from him he really did, he thought if he knew then he would get hurt but in the end he told him the truth about Sampson and how he came to find Chez's diary.

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